self-esteem and the things I think

 tell your kids about the harsh truths that drugs and becoming addicted can cause. my parents were not perfect by no means but they tried and they were doing their best, although they never brought up the fact that drugs cause a life time of sadness tell them about how getting a felony no matter how small will destroy their chances at having a career tell them how once you start doing drugs you can't go one day without doing them or you'll feel like crap, you'll feel, like you have the actual flu, please talk to them.

  praying for all the people who have been affected by all the flooding and chaos this rain has brought upon us

years have gone by and all that I know my life looking back is  all just a blur remember the good times I can't recall all that comes up is the withdraw the feeling of pain sweats and all but once the fix came I can't remember at all what did I do what did I say a blur of regret that still haunts me to this day looking for peace I guess you could say I never found that while playing this game pain and betrayal  money and thieves I've got what you need  says Satan indeed barrow and beg  steal and plead this chaos is thick  I'm unable to see  a way out is tough a way out is free finding an exit  was not easy  one tries  then two  three tries then four  I did a little time  now my feet are on the floor the bottom feels low but the faith will insure follow your light  and there's your door one month  then two keep pushing fourth looking back now  two years are restored a baby was born  and I can remember it all...

 I lay my head, on cotton pillows, with nice thread the day has been long, but far from over yet my life is full, and how I feel blessed, but no matter how good, my thoughts never rest when my hands are busy, my mind is at rest, during the day, I feel more like the next panic seeps in, as the night starts to progress the thoughts arise, reminiscing my past the kids are asleep, it's my turn to try I lay on down, with heavy eyes those thoughts that I think, creep up every time my heart begins to race, my thoughts are in real time my emotions feel, as they did the first time, that burst of energy, not the good kind turns me nocturnal, as I fight my mind avoiding my thoughts, with all of my might I'm too far from strong, and they win every time shaking my head, and speaking out loud God please no, I can't do this right now how my past, stays so vivid in time reliving the same pain, every night I pray, I hide, I do everything right no matter how fast I run, I can't keep away...

  I drew these, I know that they are not the best pictures ever created but I'd love to continue drawing to become all i potentially could be 

 mamas what are we doing for easter pictures when they are bigger last year he couldn't walk so keeping him still was much easier I would love all the tips from the mamas out there

 I took my toddler with me to Wendys today so I could fill out a job application and also, he needed something to eat for lunch so why not. I got him a chicken nugget kids meal and that's his favorite. I sat him next to me as I filled out a paper application, and I'm so excited to be able to say I filled out a paper application, I thought those were extinct. anyhow, I was filling out the application and things were going well he was eating his food and all of a sudden, he started screaming bloody murder, I thought something was seriously wrong with him. I examine him quickly looking in his mouth and all around because he was clearly in pain. well, I find myself face to face with a little finger that was all red and indented with his tiny little tooth mark, my poor guy accidently bit his own finger while trying to eat his chicky nugget. oh how a moms heart fills with empathy for our littles when we know they are experiencing life lessons and knowing how they don't understand...

 here I am 32 years old and all I have to show for it is some really bad anxiety.im a felon who not only struggles to find employment, but I also struggle to keep jobs because my anxiety eats at my mind. I live at home with my dad who helps support me and my toddler, I really can't go back to working in a factory because I'm not meant for those hard ass jobs. life has me on a ticking clock that's beating me, I have no degree, and my past will not allow me to get a decent job I'm too fat for porn and I couldn't balance on a pole to save my life  I'm really open to anyone who has any suggestions

 what I'm about to say is a true story. I'm going to protect the identity of the other people in this story! I'm also not going to be specific about the details of the location. at one point in my life, I was avoiding the law by living in a place where I didn't consider to be my home, but I was familiar with this place and with the people who lived there, I was also very familiar with the area. I will just go ahead and say that the place where I was living at the time could have been considered to the trap house from the people passing by and the neighbors. so, the neighbors already probably weren't really fond of the place.  so, to get to the horrible part I want to say there is a trigger warning that comes with this, so if child loss or overdose bothers you, please scroll away and don't read. it was early spring, 55-degree days but the sun was just too nice to be inside that morning. I was outside just cleaning up and doing odd jobs just to stay busy. to put t...

 someone tell me I'm not alone. I feel like I can't go anywhere without all my fears coming to light. a person who is in recovery, such as myself, I have a lot from my past that I truly try to avoid. the people who i have done wrong while my judgement was impaired by drugs, greed and selfishness, how will I ever truly be free if every time I turn the corner at Walmart or the park, there she is following me. the guilt the pain and the hurt all come creeping in. all the whispers and all the looks that come with the eyes a feel watching me raging down with judgement.  how does one truly move on from the person who has hurt them and caused themselves so much pain when that person is them? the people who live their lives with a raging confidence and their heads up high is who I aspire to be one day. working each day by putting one foot in front of the other and accepting that I can't change my past, but I can change how I see myself today. knowing that the girl who once was is n...