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am i really the monster here

 quickly to sum up how I got here  I started abusing prescription pain meds when I was 14 years old. by the time I was 16 I was strung out on heroin really bad, and this addiction continued all the way until I was pregnant and 21! I tried to get clean off of drugs by taking doctor prescribed methadone medication. the only problem was my partner was still strung out on the other stuff and had no interest in trying to get clean! Here is where the problem lies with a person who is an addict. they are 99 percent more likely to relapse on drugs when the drug is in their faces, all day, every day. I was suppling all the habits because I was the only person in the relationship with an income. Money was tight and my medicine was expensive, I not only had to supply me but his stuff as well and the dreaded time finally came, the one where I knew I'd be faced with either getting his fix or my medicine, my medicine was just as expensive as the rest of the drugs on the street and well I kn...
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ole the tales to heal my soul

  My childhood trauma there isn't anything worse than a person who exaggerates a story and blows things out of proportion or just lies, if you think it's mean for me to tell you the truth about something then you need to get with God and find out why that hurts so bad. If you're the type of person to talk bad about someone for doing drugs but you're a drunk or addicted to your prescription pain medicine then you're a hypocrite, if you're the reason why someone has really bad mental health and when that person talks about it you call the a liar and tell how you're the victim then you're the narcissist, if you blame an 8 year old for a divorce you got then you're probably not mature enough to be married, if a girl's mom dies and you accuse them of not loving their mother because they didn't cry the way you thought she should cry, well then you're probably the devil, if you think raising someone as a single parent but letting them grow up in...
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tell your kids

 tell your kids about the harsh truths that drugs and becoming addicted can cause. my parents were not perfect by no means but they tried and they were doing their best, although they never brought up the fact that drugs cause a life time of sadness tell them about how getting a felony no matter how small will destroy their chances at having a career tell them how once you start doing drugs you can't go one day without doing them or you'll feel like crap, you'll feel, like you have the actual flu, please talk to them.
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Women in Kentucky right now

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  praying for all the people who have been affected by all the flooding and chaos this rain has brought upon us
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happy

years have gone by and all that I know my life looking back is  all just a blur remember the good times I can't recall all that comes up is the withdraw the feeling of pain sweats and all but once the fix came I can't remember at all what did I do what did I say a blur of regret that still haunts me to this day looking for peace I guess you could say I never found that while playing this game pain and betrayal  money and thieves I've got what you need  says Satan indeed barrow and beg  steal and plead this chaos is thick  I'm unable to see  a way out is tough a way out is free finding an exit  was not easy  one tries  then two  three tries then four  I did a little time  now my feet are on the floor the bottom feels low but the faith will insure follow your light  and there's your door one month  then two keep pushing fourth looking back now  two years are restored a baby was born  and I can remember it all...
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On my heels

 I lay my head, on cotton pillows, with nice thread the day has been long, but far from over yet my life is full, and how I feel blessed, but no matter how good, my thoughts never rest when my hands are busy, my mind is at rest, during the day, I feel more like the next panic seeps in, as the night starts to progress the thoughts arise, reminiscing my past the kids are asleep, it's my turn to try I lay on down, with heavy eyes those thoughts that I think, creep up every time my heart begins to race, my thoughts are in real time my emotions feel, as they did the first time, that burst of energy, not the good kind turns me nocturnal, as I fight my mind avoiding my thoughts, with all of my might I'm too far from strong, and they win every time shaking my head, and speaking out loud God please no, I can't do this right now how my past, stays so vivid in time reliving the same pain, every night I pray, I hide, I do everything right no matter how fast I run, I can't keep away...
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nature the way my mind sees it

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  I drew these, I know that they are not the best pictures ever created but I'd love to continue drawing to become all i potentially could be 
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